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The last few lines of Loretta Lynn's song, "Coal Miner's Daughter" have been haunting me, lately. "Not much left but the floor, Nothin' lives here anymore, 'Cept the memories of a coal miner's daughter." So, I woke up around one this morning, and here's what I wrote. Call it a poem, call it whatever you like. Just don't throw anything at me. Ok? lol Home with Mamaw was making that last turn and seeing the afternoon sun reflecting off the trees at the bottom of the hill Home with Mamaw was walking up the front steps and going right in Home with Mamaw was cornbread in the microwave and Pintos on the stove Home with Mamaw was “Coffee’s on!” and visitors after church Home with Mamaw was the scents of fresh cut wood and earth in the summer Home with Mamaw was the bite of a fresh snow and woodsmoke in the winter Home with Mamaw was seeing the moon on a clear night Home with Mamaw was impassable roads covered in ice Home with Mamaw was an old dolly piled with laughing kids Home with Mamaw was a slightly flattened ball after a game of Andy Over Home with Mamaw was well water, biscuits and sweetened rhubarb Home with Mamaw was warming yourself by a wood-burning stove before school Home with Mamaw was sled riding down the hill on Christmas Day Home with Mamaw was too many bee stings out in the yard Home with Mamaw was “Can’t make it through the day without a song about the Lord.” Home with Mom was plenty to eat Home with Mom was noise...always noise Home with Mom was ball games all weekend long Home with Mom was “Get out of the way! Let me sweep up this hair!” Home with Mom was toys everywhere I step Home with Mom was sisters sleep together Home with Mom was “Are you ready to go?” Home with Mom was “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Home with Mom was her way or the highway Home with Mom was church when we could make it Home with Mom was hearing her sing “Thank You Lord for Your Blessings on Me.” Home with Mom was baby sisters to hold Home with Mom was left over biscuits in a baggie to take on the bus back to the blind school Home with Mom was home made breakfast to go on long bus trips to school on cold mornings Home with Mom was hot chocolate or tea to keep me warm before catching the bus on those cold mornings Home today is TV’s blaring so loud I can’t hear myself think Home today is the happy sound of children laughing Home today is Saturdays beside my man, not needing to say a word Home today is laundry that seems never done Home today is dishes that never stay clean Home today is quiet enough at night to write Home today is reading the Bible at the kitchen table Home today is learning to bake sinfully sweet treats Home today is long talks with my man after listening ears are asleep Home today is joying alongside my children when they learn something new Home today is playing in the yard, Home today is ticking baseboard heaters in the winter Home today is a noisy air conditioner in the summer Home today is neighbors way too close Home today is too small for visitors after church

Priorities

The morning before I left for Columbus, I couldn't sleep. So, I turned on the mac book and wrote this blog entry. Thought I'd wait until I came home to post it, so here ye go. We are such a smart bunch of people. Did y’all know that? I mean, we know things our ancestors could only scratch their heads over, and we have done things that used to be science fiction. For instance, people have walked on the moon. Normal everyday folks went in to a man-made craft, punched some buttons and flew to the moon. Not only that, they stepped out and planted their feet on it...well, maybe planted is a strong word. If what they say about gravity is true, and i have no reason to doubt them, then it would be nearly impossible to set both feet at the same time and stand still on the moon. But, I wasn’t there, so maybe they did that. Here’s what’s funny, I can’t see pictures from space. I can’t see the videos taken in space, so can I really say it happened? lol Here’s something else amazing. We know what kind of bacteria ticks carry, and not only that, we know the signs and symptoms and how to treat them, successfully. There was a time when every fever and chill, every runny nose and cough, no matter how you came by it was simply called the Ague. Every high fever that affected your brain in any way was called scarlet fever. Today, we can take pictures of the inside of our bodies and know exactly what is going on in there. Today, antibiotics can kill most bacteria. Today, simple cleanliness saves lives. There is a robotic airplane that can fly without a human inside of it and can measure things like air temperature, barometric pressure and lots of other stuff, just to help predict how bad hurricanes will be. The robot can not fly in to a hurricane...as if it would want to, but people can fly a plane in to a storm that strong. They often do this, just to study the storm. Not so very long ago, all folks had were their eyes, common sense gathered from living in a certain area all their lives and possibly a barometer to forecast weather. Today, we can turn on the TV or radio or internet and get all the latest details on how fast the wind is blowing, how much rain is predicted to fall and what we should do about it. As they say on the weather channel quite often, “You can be prepared.” Now, i have a few questions. What are we preparing for? 2. Why is it so important to preserve life? 3. What does knowledge about space do for me down here? These sound like stupid questions. Don’t they? I mean, didn’t I go to school and learn anything? Answer: I did go to school, and I think I learned a few things. And, I don’t think these questions are as dumb as they sound. So, let’s start with question number 3. Why is it so important to know about space? When I was 8-years-old and in third grade, I remember I couldn’t wait until science class. I loved learning about space! Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t see any of the pictures they showed. It could have been all a fairy tale as far as I was concerned. But, something about space appealed to me. Later, at the age of seventeen when I got the chance to go to space camp in Huntsville, Alabama, I learned I would never get to go to the moon. For one, I’m too blind, and for another, I’m too short to fit in to the suits. lol So, we know the sun is 93 million...or is that billion...miles away from the earth. We know the planets revolve around the sun. We know there isn’t as much gravity on the moon. And, this helps me today, because... Don’t know about y’all, but one thing it does for me is help me appreciate God’s handy-work just a little bit more. But, can we stop an astroid from slamming the earth, just by knowing it’s out there? If we have to put on all this equipment just to breathe in space, why would we want to live there? And, as for life on other planets, why do we care? I mean, we’re killing our own babies, so life isn’t that important. Right? Stick with me, ya’ll. Ok, so since I mentioned life, let’s talk about question number 2. Why is it so important to preserve life? Folks, there are doctors out there now who will do an abortion during delivery. Did y’all know that? Killing babies when they are just coming in to this world! Ahem, is it appropriate to talk like King David and say, “Destroy them, O God. Let them perish from off the earth.” Ok, maybe that’s being harsh, but it’s how i feel, and someday they will answer for the deeds they do. Anyway, if we’re so stuck on saving lives, why don’t we start with the healthiest of us all; our babies! It’s a good thing to kill bacteria with antibiotics. When I get sick enough, I go to the doctor, and I’m real glad she can give me a shot or a pill that will cure me, because I know that 100 years ago, I would have died if not for that stuff. I’m thankful for defibrillators, ventilators, oxygen tanks, MRI’s, bone scans, hypodermic needles and all that other stuff, but let’s get our priorities straight! And, finally, what are we preparing for? This is the question you probably think is dumb, but that’s ok. Hear me out. A few weeks ago when Isaac was on his way to Louisiana, I watched a lot of the weather channel. Call it boredom, call it curiosity, but I wanted to know if it would destroy places like Katrina did. Men and women alike were outside in all that wind and rain, telling you how it felt, how fast the storm was coming and what you should do about it. And, yet people still stayed behind and had to be rescued, which put others’ lives in danger. That’s no skin off my nose if you want to get stuck in a flood and wait to be rescued, all the while clinging to your roof, but what bothered me was people were more concerned about pets than other people. Shelters for pets is great. I’m going to go get a dog today, and I’d be mighty worried if something happened to that dog. Don’t misunderstand me, here. I just think...once again...our priorities are messed up. People are paid a lot of money to get on TV and tell you a storm is coming. I don’t want anybody to be out of a job, but couldn’t we put some of that money to better use. I mean, come on, we know a storm is coming. Let’s help folks evacuate. Let’s help build levies. Let’s feed the hungry. Oh, boy, I don’t want to get started, but i think I already have. We spend too much time, energy and money on the wrong things and wonder why the country is in debt. A true leader, one who was concerned about his country would not use tax payers’ hard-earned dollars to go on vacation. A leader who truly cared about those he represented would be more concerned about those people and quit worrying about appeasing other nations. A true leader would do all he could to make his country one that did not rely on foreigners to sustain it. A leader who cared would not try to squelch one person’s religious beliefs while fully embracing another’s. And, this talk about being fair, well, I tell y’all like I tell my little girls, “Nothing is fair!” And, folks, it never will be. Yep, we’re a pretty smart bunch. And, to prove it, here’s one more tidbit I find interesting. Fifty years ago, some kin of mine made their own moonshine. Today, the President is having his staff make beer in the White House. Hmm. Wonder why it used to be wrong but ain’t wrong now? Is it because the government wanted control? Maybe. Well, now, I’m tired enough to sleep, it’s almost time to get up and get ready for the day, and I’m thirsty, so reckon this is goodbye until next time.

The Home Coming

In some ways, having a new guide dog is rather like having a new baby in the house. It isn’t the same, of course, but feeling as if there is not enough of me to spread around is the same. Monday evening and Tuesday morning were like that. I felt a bit frustrated, because the girls needed their mama, I needed the girls, things needed doing and my dog needed me, too. On Saturday we did go to Walmart, and my girl did great. If she stopped to sniff the veggies, she did it rather sneakily, so I never knew. There was this old lady who asked to pet our dogs and did actually pet them, but as it turns out, that old lady was just our trainer in disguise. Hahaha! On Sunday our trainer took us outside to do obedience with our dogs, as he had done before, and then a fellow student and I took our dogs out to the Alumni Park to walk around and enjoy the awesome weather. Just as a side note, the Alumni Park at Pilot Dogs is just that, a park created by the Alumni of the school. There are bricks and pavers out there, memorializing folks and dogs alike. There are obstacles to go around, benches to sit on, and it’s very peaceful and quiet and private. Anyway, Sunday afternoon, our trainer took me and another student on a walk around town. It was only a few blocks, but I guess my body knew it was supposed to be a day of rest, because just those few blocks wore me out. lol That night, after dark, our trainer took me and yet another student on a night walk. The difference between a walk during the day and one at night was something I didn’t notice, but my girl can see, so I’m sure it was different for her. But, she lead just as well in the dark as she did in the light, so no troubles there. Monday morning I finished packing my bags, fed my pup, brushed her real good and left at 8:30 for home. We got here around noon, so the man who brought me walked with me and my girl around my home town. Then, he took me to McDonalds for lunch. He took us to the Vet to get my girl her rabies shot and then brought us back home. My girls showed up a few minutes later, and oh it was so good to hold them and kiss them. The hubby brought pizza home for dinner, and it was kind of like a balancing act, when I started to get everyone ready for bed. But, surprisingly we were all in bed by 9. Yesterday, Tuesday, the man who brought me home took my pup and me to Walmart to do some work. Again, she did very well. Then, he brought me home to do more work around my home town. I learned how to get to the town hall and a better way to get to the clinic. By the time he left, I was ready for a nap. lol I took one, too, after my kids and I ate lunch. Last night all 5 of us went to Cracker Barrel for dinner, and it went fine, except my doggie didn’t want to go inside. It was weird, and we can’t figure out why, but when we approached the doors, she hesitated to go in. I encouraged her, but she wouldn’t move. I corrected her, as I was taught to do, but instead of moving forward, she turned completely around. The only thing we can come up with was she was looking for my girls, but we’re not sure. I had my husband and daughters to go in front of me and followed them in, and it seemed to work. But, I’ll bet that nice man who held the door for us went home and told his wife, “I saw this lady and her guide dog at Cracker Barrel, and that dog acted real funny when that lady tried to go inside.” lol Nothing to be done about it though, except work on obedience and try again another day. So, now things are starting to settle down here at home. I have a crate for my pup to sleep in, she is quieting down after the excitement of traveling, and the only thing left to do is find out where in the world I’m going to store her food. Right now, it’s in front of my washer and drier, but it can’t stay there, because there’s a mountain of laundry that I have to do today. Before the man left yesterday to go back to Columbus, one of the things he said to me was, “Walk around this town three times a day, and you’ll be fine.” Reckon he never had piles of laundry, a house to clean, girls to homeschool and dishes to do. lol Walking 12 blocks a day is great and beneficial, but it’s easier done when someone else does the cooking and cleaning. At guide dog school, coffee was ready whenever I wanted it, meals were prepared for me, the floors were cleaned for me, too. All I had to do was walk around, make my bed and care for my dog. Now, I have kids and a house to care for as well as the dog, and somewhere in there, I have a husband I’d like to spend time with. Fshew! Did I bite off more than i can chew?

Just Two More Days

There’s a suit case in my living room floor with my clothes in it. It doesn’t have all my things, but it’s real close. After one more load of laundry, I think I will only have the last minute stuff to pack, like toothbursh and meds and such. I did manage last night to buy buttons and sewed them on to my sweater this morning. I crocheted the button holes and edging, tried it on and now it’s packed with all my other things. The sweater met my mommy’s approval, so I’m feeling good about it. :) My girls and I had a special science lesson today. We baked coco puff muffins. It was a mix from a box, something I don’t normally do, and I was surprised at how much simpler it was not baking from scratch. lol But, my second grader got to crack an egg and help measure out ingredients and both girls got to stir the batter. I think they tasted it, too, but I never saw a thing. ;) The muffins were surprisingly pretty good, but I didn’t like the candy things inside the batter. But, my babies and I were together, we had fun, they turned out good, and that’s all that matters. So many thoughts and emotions are running around inside my head, I don’t even know how I’m feeling. Excited about getting a new dog, nervous at going to a place I’ve never been, anxiety over whether I remembered to pack everything, sadness over leaving my husband and girls, sorrow that my great aunt is dying, and some grief because my great aunt's condition reminds me of my mamaw. I won’t be here to attend the services for my papaw’s sister, and that is bothering me, too. On top of all that, my littlest one is getting a cold. Life doesn’t stop for anyone, and neither does death. Plans are made, and we just have to keep going. Things happen, and we just have to trust in God that He will bring us through and give us strength to face what comes our way. I’m reminded of a song. “I have a source of strength when I am weak, that helps me through when life is pressing me. I have a source of power from above. I’m covered over by a shield of love. I claim the blood Jesus shed on calvary. Those precious blood stains were made there just for me. Through all my sin, my sickness and my pain, when I need healing, I just claim those precious blood stains.” Here’s the part i like. “I do not know how others make it through, who never go to calvary as I do. For there’s a healing, cleansing stream still floes with peace that only His redeemed can know.” God bless you all, and if you can’t think of anyone to pray for, and you’re tired of praying for me, remember those in the nursing homes and hospitals, tonight. Be glad, if you aren’t in one, that you aren’t.

Three To Go

A lot is going through my head today, so much that I won’t even try to share it all. I didn’t sleep well last night, and it has been pouring the rain, and add those two together, and you get someone who might go on emotions rather than facts. You also will get someone who can’t stop writing run-on sentences. lol Only three days to go. Wow, I’m having a hard time believing it. In less than three days, actually, I’ll be in Columbus. Whenever I stopped to think about it, I get this surge of something between excitement, nervousness and unreality. I mean, I haven’t done anything like this since before I met my husband. Of course, my man and I did pick up and move almost three hundred miles away a few years ago, but that was different; he was with me. This time, I’m packing up and heading off alone for ten days. Am I crazy? The furthest I’ve been away from home on my own was taking the bus twenty miles down town. Now, I’m about to take a bus almost two hundred miles to a different state! Am i doing the right thing? I must be, because God keeps confirming things. A little while ago, I was kind of half worrying half praying about a situation, which I had no answer for. The only answer I was getting was to just do what I could and not stress about the rest. Then, right out of the blue, my husband sends me a text with the answer. Of course, he didn’t know what was on my heart, but God did, and He used someone else to answer my prayer. I just love it when He does that. I did a little packing today and a lot of laundry. :) tomorrow I’ll do more laundry and more packing. Thursday I’ll probably do even more. Ha! There was a bit of crying around here today, too, and I expect there will be more. I guess it’s all a part of growing up for my babies, though...and for me. lol You know, I wish I could call my mamaw up on the phone and talk to her. I know I know how to pack a suit case, but I wish I had someone to talk about it with as I packed. She would listen, she would do a lot of telling me what and when to do, and all the while she would be telling me how much she loved me and thinking inside her head how she could feed my new dog without me knowing about it. :) Well, in honor of the third day before I leave, I have to put this in here. When I hear three days, my first thought is that Jesus was in the grave for three days, Jonah was in the belly of the whale for three days, and the apostle Paul was blind for three days after the Lord spoke to him on the road to Damascus. So, there must be some significance about three days. Hmm, will have to study that one out. Ok, y’all, it’s almost time for the man of the house to get home from work, and I’m starving. So, until tomorrow, keep smiling and remember God loves each and every one of you.

Four Days

What comes to your mind when you hear, “Four days”? Let’s see, there’s a four day work week, something most people wish they had. There’s a four day weekend, something else most folks wish they had. :) There’s a song called “Four Days Late”, which, BTW is an awesome song. And, the only other four days i can think of is four days left until I leave to get my knew dog. Y’all knew that was coming, didn’t ya? hahaha! This morning I went to the Post Office to see if my bus ticket to Columbus was there. Sad to say, it was not. After that, I let my homeschooled girls play outside while the weather was good. Then, I brought them in and got them some lunch to munch on. After that, my aunt came and drove us down to the Hospice House to see my grandfather’s sister. She isn’t doing well, so your prayers would mean a lot. As we were leaving, a cousin of mine leaned over her bed and said “I love you, Grandma.” Made me remember my own grandma. For now, though, my cousin has the peace of knowing she left the place, her grandma still living. The last time I leaned over my mamaw and told her I loved her, was the day I left knowing she had died. See, y’all, death isn’t a graduation. Death isn’t our friend. It’s the enemy. But, death is swallowed up in victory! Oh, grave, where is thy sting? Oh, grave, where is thy victory? Jesus overcame the grave, and someday, we will, too. Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. So, my beloved brothers and sisters be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. For, as ye know, your labor is NOT in vain! Jesus is coming; ready or not, He is coming back to receive us unto Himself that where He is, there we can be. Amen? Amen! Wow, ya’ll expected a post about getting ready for guide dog school. :) I’m not sorry, though. After all, this blog is called “Old Time Christian”, and what kind of Christian would I be if I left my saviour out of it all? Why, I’d be a hypocrit, that’s what. I am starting to feel overwhelmed, though, and I haven’t even started packing. Tomorrow is my major laundry day. Gonna wash everything I can, including my shoes. I not only have my things to pack, but some stuff to pack for my kids while I’m gone. But, if I can’t think of anything to be thankful for at the moment, it’s first of all I’m alive to think, and second, I ain’t gotta do it tonight. Tonight, I’m gettin’ ready for bed! So, until next time, ZZZZZZZZZ

Six Days and Counting

Saturdays are usually lazy days for the man of the house. As for me, most of the time on Saturdays you can find me at the kitchen sink with my hands deep in hot, sudsy water, loading and unloading the washing machine or putting away clean laundry. But, somehow I managed to get the laundry done before this Saturday, and there are not enough dishes for me to wash...yet. lol It’s nearly time for dinner, so fear not; I’ll have a sink full to wash before bedtime. This first day of the weekend has been a bit different. First of all, unless you missed the title, it is the sixth day before I leave for Pilot Dogs in Columbus Ohio to get my new guide dog. I’ve been awake since three AM thinking about dogs. What breedd of dog will I get? A stately German Shepherd named Phoebe? A little black lab named Izzy? A laid-back golden retriever named Porter? A happy yellow lab named Daisy? No way of knowing. :) Will I get him or her on Friday evening, or will I have to wait until the next day? Here are a few things I do know for sure. It will be a dog. lol 2. He or she will know how to guide a blind person. 3. Pilot Dogs, from what I’ve been told, crate their dogs at night, so my dog will be used to this. 4. The dog will already have a name before I get there. 5. The dog, no matter how much he or she loves me will take a few days to get used to the fact that I am his or her new person and not the trainer. 6. This dog will have me figured out in a matter of minutes; I will not be able to fool him or her about anything. 7. Whereas The Seeing Eye breeds all their dogs, Pilot does not. They receive most of their dogs from other breeders. Looks like I know a lot, doesn’t it? hahaha! Well, to even things out, here’s some things I do not know. As I have said before, I don’t know what breed or gender my dog is. 2. I do not know what Pilot’s facility looks like, but I do know I can navigate it, dog or not because I have been taught Orientation and Mobility. 3. I don’t know any of the staff personally, but so far from the conversations we have had over the phone, I feel confident that they are ready to help make this experience the best it can be. 4. I don’t know whether I’ll get my dog the Friday evening I arrive or the next morning. 5. I don’t know what taking the Grayhound bus to Columbus is like. 6. I don’t know whether I will crate my dog once I get home or not. Depends on whether I feel it is necessary and depends on if I have the money to buy a crate. 7. Finally, I don’t know how different this new dog will be, but I know he or she will not be like my first one. These are just a few of the things running through my head today. I googled dog crates, and unless I get me some dough, soon, I won’t be crating. But, then again, I might change my mind. Since I don’t know what kind of dog is waiting for me up there, I googled a few of the breeds that Pilot trains. In case you are interested, Animal Planet does a series on different breeds, and you can find them on YouTube. I learned a lot, actually. The breeds I researched were as follows: golden retriever, german shepherd, labrador, and standard poodle. I already told the folks up there I did not want a boxer or a doberman, so I did not research those breeds. I’m actually hoping I don’t get a poodle, simply because of their high maintenance, but if the trainer says a standard poodle is perfect for me, I’ll give that dog a chance. One thing I do want to say about Pilot Dogs. I do like the fact, I can apply online. I get so tired of asking a sighted person to fill out printed forms, so it was nice, for a change to just do it myself. After filling out the online form, Pilot did send some print papers. One I needed to sign to prove what I put on the internet was true. The others were for doctors to fill out, and I’m sure glad they were sighted and able to fill them out. lol But, I’ve yapped the entire time about my new dog and Pilot. Never did tell y’all why this day was different. :) So, this morning my girls and I went to the park here in town. My 7-year-old can’t seem to figure out how to swing. hahaha, so I took some time teaching her...again. lol We had fun. A little, black and white dog came to visit us while we were there. He never barked or even came near enough to touch. He just sat near my 4-year-old while she was on the swings. He yawned and scratched an itch, my daughter said, and when we left, he followed us. Sometimes, he walked in front of my girls who were in front of me, which meant my girls got caned accidentally, but we finally got things smoothed out. The dog didn’t try to follow us in the Post Office, which would have been funny. Instead, he waited and followed us almost all the way home. He left us at our back gate. :) We came in and opened our packages that we got in the mail, and then ate some lunch. Knowing I needed to take some soap and lotion to Pilot, I decided a few days ago to order some stuff from Clean Logic. You can google that, too, if you like. They put braille on their bottles, so folks who are blind will know which bottle is which. Nothing like getting your body wash mixed up with your lotion. lol My Clean Logic came in today’s mail, and so far I’m well pleased with it. Don’t have to ask a sighted person what is what, and that’s the best part. One more thing on my mind today. I am almost finished with the sweater I am crocheting for myself. It’s a fall or springtime sweater, made of yarn that is part cotton and part bamboo from rayon...or is that rayon from bamboo? Ha! I don’t know. Anyway, it’s wonderfully soft, lightweight, yet heavy enough to keep me warm. I made it a little dressy, but not fancy. I think it will look good with my jeans, and I plan to take it to Pilot. Now, all I need is some prayer warriors to believe with me that I’ll get a dog that does NOT like to chew on cotton things. lol Well, reckon that’s all that is on my mind this sixth day before I leave. Y’all keep praying for us and keep reading. You faithful readers keep my spirits up more often than you know. God bless.

Seven days until...

T minus seven days, and my heart is already breaking. I never dreamed I would feel this guilty. The other day when I told my seven-year-old I would leave in ten days, she wrapped her arms around me and sobbed, “I don’t want you to go!” Right then I was ready to call the whole thing off. How could I leave my babies? I tried explaining to my girls that even though this is a hard thing for all of us, we have to be brave and trust that God has a plan. Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially when you are only seven. What my children do not know is what having a guide dog will mean to their mom. What my girls do not understand is that me being gone for ten days is nothing compared to what other kids go through all the time. A friend of mine won’t see her children for seven months. Reading that on face book really got to me. I mean, seven months! I can’t even imagine it! But, God has a job for everyone, and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. But, I digress. Most of y’all probably think I’m making a bigger deal out of it all than necessary. After all, parents leave their kids all the time. Well, not this parent. Quite possibly I could count on both hands the amount of nights I have spent away from my girls. They have spent a few nights with their aunts and grandparents over Christmases, and I had to go in the hospital a couple of times last year. My four-year-old still remembers fearing her mommy would never come home. Y’all, that tears me up! There is a reason for all this madness, though. If there wasn’t, I would not even dream of putting my family through such a trying time. Somewhere, deep in my heart I believe that having a guide dog will be of more help to me in the long run than anything else so far. My husband has enough to do without needing to worry about me, and I’m tired of feeling as if I’m being treated like one of the kids. Maybe, I dream too big, but I’m thinking of shopping trips with just my girls, me and my new dog. Also, once we’re settled back home, I’m thinking that having an animal in the house will help my girls learn not only to care for a dog but how to play with one as well. I’m thinking that a guide dog, as happened with me and my first guide will help us come out of our shells and meet more people. I’m thinking that dog will learn to love my girls and keep an eye out for them when I can’t. So, my suitcase is sitting in the living room waiting to be filled. Yesterday I cleaned out a corner in my bed room for the new dog to sleep in. I went through some old shoes and found an extra pair to take with me. I went through my clothes and have already decided on what to pack. I’m almost ready...almost. Last night my husband said, “You won’t be here for my birthday.” He didn’t sound whiny or anything, but again I felt guilty. The longest he and i have ever been apart was when he went to Disney World for business back in 2004. He was gone three or four days. I’m going to miss him, and he’s going to have a rougher time without someone seeing to all the little things. Hoping to ease everyone’s stress, this girl plans to do up as much laundry as possible. lol Can I tell y’all about one more thing I’m feeling guilty about? No objections? Good. :) Even though I will miss my family, I have to admit that I’m looking forward to taking care of only me for a few days. Sometimes, the day-to-day stuff, laundry, dishes, homeschool, worry about dinner, settling disputes between fighting kids can ware one down until she starts thinking she is only needed for these things and nothing else. I know I’m loved; I know I’m needed, but is what I do appreciated? And, more importantly why am I even wanting to be appreciated when I’m supposed to be a living sacrifice? If I’m doing it all for the glory of God, why does it matter if anyone else appreciates what I do? I’ll admit there’s a little voice inside me that sneaks up and says, “Let them see if they can manage all this without me.” Maybe, I shouldn’t post this, after all. I’m not being very nice, and I’m not real sorry, yet. I asked on face book if anyone wanted to read a blog about my experiences during class at the guide dog school. Many of you said you would. So, now you know what I’m feeling just a week before I take that bus North to Columbus. It’s a little different than when I went to get my first dog. If you want to read that story, check out the previous post called, “A Miracle Named George”. Until next time, pray for us; we could use it.

What I've Learned From Crocheting

I am not perfect. Did you all know that? Well, it’s true. Amazing? Maybe, but most certainly not perfect. If I was, I would not have had to spend an hour and a half correcting a huge mistake in this sweater I am crocheting. Crochet is something I always wanted to do. My mom used to crochet, and I remember feeling her projects and holding them close to my face in order to see all the bright colors. After I got married, Mom tried to teach me. But, she said my fingers kept getting in the way, and she couldn’t see what we were doing. Thankfully, my husband stepped in and helped. Between him and my mom, I learned the basics. When I finally learned how to navigate the world wide web, I found sites with instructions on various stitches and patterns, which is how I learned to follow patterns. I made all sorts of crazy things in the years before I became a mom: adults and baby booties, mittens, ugly hats, decent afghans, pot holders, dish rags, hair scrunchies, and a lot of other stuff that never looked good enough for a name. Then, a couple of months before my oldest daughter was born, I sat down and crocheted my first poncho. It was the Martha Stewart one, and if I do say so myself, it wasn’t too bad. But, lemme tell ya, that summer was a hot one, and I about burned up with my lap full of yards of Lion Brand’s HomeSpun yarn. That fall I made pink booties for my daughter that she wore on her first Christmas. Several months later I made a friend of mine a scarf. When my second daughter was born I made her a pair of pink booties. In the spring of 2009 I found a pattern for a sweater on the internet and decided it was time. I bought the yarn and the proper size hooks and slowly began. It was surprisingly easy, and the sweater fit me when I was finished. But, I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted something more. Then, somewhere on the internet I found directions for creating your own sweater pattern. The lady gave instructions for crocheters and knitters, alike, and I read that article over and over again. Deciding I had nothing to lose, I grabbed up some scrap yarn and a size G hook and made sweaters for my girls to ware for Easter. Everyone loved them, and I will admit I was surprised that they turned out to look pretty good. So, I used the same instructions and made a sweater for myself. Everyone loved it, but I knew that next time I tried one for me, I would have to do more careful measuring. ;) If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you might remember my post back last fall about buying new yarns to try. Back then, I bought some pink angora merino. I loved the way that stuff felt, but it was difficult to work with. I set it aside and work with other kinds of yarn for a while. Then, last spring I picked it up again and made a baby sweater for a friend’s new grand baby due to arrive in September. The little garment turned out so sweet, that I crocheted a pair of booties out of the same yarn to match. Angora merino, for those who do not know is yarn made of part merino wool from sheep and part angora which is fur from rabbits. It’s lofty, which simply means it feels thinner than it looks. You have to be real careful with it, because if you have to undo any stitches, the yarn fibers stick together and get knotted up real easy. I guess y’all know what I’m leading up too. Right? Well, I’m crocheting an adult sweater out of angora merino. I practiced my stitches before beginning, made swatches and measured them, carefully figured out how many stitches it took to make an inch and how many rows made an inch. I don’t work on the sweater if I’m already aggravated. Instead, I wait until I feel calm and at peace. I finished the length the other day and stayed up late one night to start the first sleeve. I was truckin’ right along and had 5 inches of sleeve done, when I realized I had made a terrible mistake. My sleeve I had been working on was 3 inches too small. Ha! Nothing I can do about it...except take out 10 rows of double crochets and pray the yarn doesn’t knot up on me. So, stitch by stitch, row by row I began to gently unravel that rabbit/sheep fur/wool. Then, near where the sleeve joined the body of the sweater, the crazy stuff knotted up on me. In the past, I would have laid it down and said, “That’s it!” But, I can’t do that! First of all, my friend is expecting this sweater. I’ve promised it to her. Second, I can’t give up; I’ve put too much time and money in to this project. I have to fix it! Y’all, I have no idea how I managed it, but I cut a little here, and tugged a little there, and crocheted a bit more, and suddenly, it’s fixed. I now have one complete row of stitches on the first sleeve, and it doesn’t look messed up. Fshew! Note to self, “MEASURE NEXT TIME!” lol I never dreamed I’d be saying this, but crocheting...well, yarn crafting of any kind, actually...has taught me some measure of patience over the years. Sometimes, I think it’s like writing in that it’s a type of therapy for me. I mean, if I can create something, and no one can see the mistakes I’ve made and fixed, maybe with perseverance I can do other things. Also, crocheting forces me to sit down and be quiet, something I don’t normally like to do. lol But, if I remember correctly, one of the prophets in the Bible found out that he didn’t hear God’s voice in the wind or fire, but in a still, small voice. Don’t know about y’all, but I can’t hear still, small voices unless it’s quiet. So, for what it’s worth, there you go, an article about crocheting. If there are any morals to this story, I don’t know what they would be, unless it’s stay away from angora merino, unless you have been crocheting or knitting for 10 years or more, and if at first you don’t succeed, tear it out and start again. :) Y’all take care and come back real soon. Oh, and BTW, there's a picture of my first adult sweater on this blog. Look back in 2009 in April. I think the title is "My New Sweater". :)

Rainy Day

The rain has been coming down since around 2 this morning, if not a little before that. All I know is I opened my back door to catch a cool breeze at 2, and it was pouring. It's slowed down, now, but everything is dripping, dripping, dripping. The birds are singing, too. They tweet away as if they had no care in the world. Maybe, they don't. :) After all, the Bible says they neither sew nor reap, and yet our heavenly Father feeds them. Mmm, my coffee is a welcome warmth this morning. It's slowly waking me up. But, I can tell that it's going to be a lazy day, especially if it keeps raining like the weather man says. Lazy day or not, feeling a cool breeze through my open back door, listening to the falling rain and the chatter of children are great ways to enjoy this day that the Lord has made. Rainy days always make me think of my Mamaw. I keep wondering why I don't smell cornbread baking in the oven and Pinto beans boiling on the stove. If it wasn't beans, it was homemade beef stew. Either way, we'd have cornbread and a healthy dose of family togetherness. Sometimes, I think that kind of togetherness died with my mamaw. But, then again, maybe it's still here and we've just not found it, quite yet. Mercy me, but the flies thought my open door meant they could come on in and be welcome. That's the risk you take, I reckon. :) I need a screen door out the back way. I probably let in a few ants, as well, but I got something that'll kill 'em dead, so I'm not worried 'bout 'em. I've made a couple of big decisions here lately, besides my diet, and I'll blog about them another time. I'm trying to keep my posts on one topic at a time. ;) But, just to give you a sneak peek, the decisions I've made concern dogs and going places. Save it to say, I've been too lazy too long, and I'm determined to get my rear in gear. lol Until next time, though, thank y'all for reading. It means a lot.

The Date Says it All

If you came here via Facebook, then you might hear some repeats. Just saying, just in case you can't handle my sarcasm or whatever it's called. :)

So, last night my dear husband put Angry Birds Space on his phone...I think, anyway. He also put it on the 2 old iPhones that we gave to the girls to play with. I stretched out beside him on the bed, lay there for a minute, then realized we had reached a new family pasttime-lazing around playing Angry Birds on our individual phones. Ok, so I wasn't playing Angry Birds. Not sure if it would work with the VoiceOver, but ya never know. lol And, my girls thought I would download the Angry Birds song as a ring tone. It's like we used to say when I was a lil kid in 6th grade. NOT!

There is a website where I get a lot of the audio books I listen to, for free. I went there this morning to see if they had anything new. They did, but I reckon Friday the 13th is like a SciFi day or Final Frontier day, because no matter if it was romance or adventure, every book on there had something to do with space. There were mostly Star Trek books, but there were some r-rated romances where the characters live on weird, made up planets. Not my cup of tea, but I'm glad they are out there for those who like that kind of book. Course, I ain't got any room to talk, really, I have read some vampire romances before. We'll not go in to that, though. ;)

Would it be child abuse if I put duct tape over my kids' mouths to shut them up? I get so tired of hearing, "Mom, she won't stop looking at me! Mom, she won't leave me alone! Mom, she's pushing me! Mom, can't you hear me?" Goodnight! Since it probably would be abuse to do that to them, maybe I'll just buy some ear plugs for me. Ha! lol

I'm in the mood to crochet something. Apparently, the 6-year-old is too, because she's been chaining with a size K hook and some old yarn of mine. She wanted to make something bigger, and I tried to show her how to single crochet (SC) but she didn't get it. Her biggest problem is she is too much like her mother in that if she can't do it right the first time, who needs it. But, her chain looks nice, and with age will come the want to do more. After all, I was married before I had the patience to learn how.

Ok, so the other night at church, all 3 youth teachers did not show up. Two were sick and one had to work over and couldn't make it in time. But, besides my own 2 girls, there were 3 other kids plus 2 teenagers. I told them if they wanted to go downstairs, I'd teach youth. Lemme tell y'all something, it was interesting. lol Teenagers like to try and sneak off, but thanks to the others kids who were wonderful tadlers, we made it through and nobody got in trouble. I like kids. They are so funny, and they don't even know it. Ha! The funniest part was when I couldn't think of anything else to do with them and took one of my prosthetic eyes out to entertain them. Some were like, "OOO," and some were like, "COOL!" I can say one thing, though. I sure did sleep good Wednesday night. lol I'm already looking forward to next time when the teacher isn't there, but when that happens, somebody else can take the teens. I will gladly take 10 and under. lol

Well, now that I have vented some of my frustration and talked about what weirdness has been on my mind in the last hour, I'm thinking of dozing off for a minute or 2. Get some Angry Birds going, and they will never notice. :) Then, again, they'll probably start arguing again. But, it's all good. Those babies are what keep me going. Think my mom is going to stop by here in a bit, too, and there's the usual dishes, laundry and straightening up to do. Never a dull moment round here.

Just want to leave you with one more thing... That banana song on TV is almost as annoying as the Angry Birds song! lol

Lunch Time Thoughts

It's lunch time, and I only have a few minutes, but I wanted to post an entry while it is still Monday. lol I have been lacking when it comes to writing on here, and to you faithful readers, I apologize.

As an update, we still have wasps, or if you are from around here, "waspers". lol There has been at least one in our house every day since last Wednesday. My husband has been killing them, but the 4-year-old is freaking out. I'm planning on googling, here in a bit to see if I can't find a way to discourage them from coming in my house. We'll see. Maybe you aroma therapy folks out there might have a suggestion? would love to hear it.

I did some baking over the weekend. This time, however, I had a couple of helpers. My daughters and I made muffins. We used silicone bakeware for the first time, but instead of making my own muffin mix from scratch, I cheated and let the girls pick out the flavors they wanted from the grocery store. We had chocolate chocolate chip and strawberry. The muffin cups were those tiny ones, and half of them were heart shaped. Those heart ones were mighty floppy, and it was difficult getting the batter in there without it running down the sides and on to the cookie sheet. But, thankfully, we have dish cloths and water, and the mess wasn't too difficult to clean up. I think I needed to bake them another minute, and I think I tried to take them out of the cups too soon, because a couple of them broke apart. But, they tasted good, and the heart-shaped muffins were cute. I didn't use any oil or nonstick spray with the bakeware, and surprise, surprise, the mix didn't stick. Some of the muffin cups need a little more wiping than the others, but all in all, not hard to wash. So, over all, it was a good baking experience. The 4-year-old got to stir and pour, and the first grader got to measure out 1/2 cup of milk for each batter. Reckon we did science and math class, and on a weekend, too. :)

Unlike many homeschoolers, I don't use a prepared curriculum. I use a science book from 2000, mostly because I'm not a science person. I have a large print copy for Faith and a braille copy for me. Not that she needs large print, but it's free, and it's the exact same copy that I have. This way, we can read along together, and I know for sure what she is doing. As for anything else, I didn't like the math book we started to use, but since numbers do not change, I think I can handle that subject. I might change my mind when we get to long division, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. lol Since I don't use something someone else has planned out, I have to do extra planning, which takes up a lot of time, I don't mind telling you, especially when it comes to Bible lessons. I spent all weekend looking up lessons for Bible class. I skimmed and read and prayed, and I'm starting to realize something; time spent in God's word is not only good for my children's school time, it's good for me, too. Thank you, Lord for forcing me to study your word. It's making a difference already. Shame on me for not being prepared before now, but thank you so much, Lord, for mercy and grace.

Happy Monday, y'all, and be sure to come back on Wednesday. I'll try to talk about writing. :)

A Writing Wednesday, but on Thursday, Instead

I have a lot of stuff inside my head that needs to come out. In fact, there's so much, I don't know where to start in writing it down. I've been reading a lot these last few days - too much reading, if the truth be known. That reading has given me the beginnings of a new story idea, one that isn't quite within the genre I usually write. Just so you'll know, I am up to 13,400 and some odd words with "A Place Called Home", and I haven't stopped writing on it. In the real world, I'm missing my mamaw this morning, and I think my girls are coming down with nasty colds. Sigh.

The books I've been reading, well, think medieval, Scottish Lairds, feisty modern women and healthy doses of time travel. As if that wasn't interesting enough, add in the fact that these books are, for the most part rated PG, and there you have it. It leaves me wondering how to also add in a Christian element. Not hard. Already have an idea... Well, I have some characters in mind with a teensy idea. :) How about this? Modern woman named Samantha Kathleen. She enjoys modern luxuries like we all enjoy. You know, running water, furnaces, TV, iPhones, laptops...yatta, yatta, yatta. Been taught all her life, time travel isn't possible. Been told all her life that Christians aren't supposed to imagine such things. Now, think highland laird. We could call him Hamish or Colin or something like that. Maybe, he has a horrendous scar and lots of folks, including himself thinks he's ugly. Thinks he's going to have to find a woman he doesn't want, just to have a wife. But, he wants someone who will love him for himself, not for his money and position. Not real sure about my hero, yet, though. Maybe, he's afraid to love again, because he has lost so many of those he loves: first wife, children, brothers or father. Now, something happens to get modern woman and highland laird together. But, is it fantasy, the time travel stuff, or is it a dream or vision? And, can there ever be a chance for love between Samantha Kathleen and Hamish or Colin or whatever his name is?

Ha! I've just mapped out a story! Deed. Reckon there is something to be said for planning out a story line ahead of writing. Hmm. Who'd have thunk it? What do y'all think of my story idea? Be forewarned, though, anyone who steals my idea will be in danger of Hamish/Colin's dungeon. lol

A year ago today my mamaw was still alive. This coming Monday will make a year since her death. I keep thinking about all the things I'd like to tell her. Then, I start thinking about the things I'm glad she doesn't know about. I keep remembering the day we buried her. It was raining and cold, and yet, I wore the best outfit I had, including hoes and dress shoes. Not for her; I knew she didn't know what I had on, but I dressed up to honor her. When I was a teenager, I sure did get threatened with my papaw's belt, if I didn't go take them pants off and put on my church clothes. :)

But, whether we like it or not, and whether it feels right or not, time has a way of changing us and our surroundings. Nothing ever stays the same, except God and His word. I can write about Mamaw now without crying. I miss her at odd moments, like when my husband bought me a fruitcake for Christmas. I cried and cried, because she wasn't here to share it with. Yeah, I'm weird; I like that stuff. Haha! But, the grief doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. Maybe, I'm dealing.

A line of a song comes to me. It's a song written by one of the men who passed away, recently, and it says, "He gave me a future. He gave me my dreams." That line runs through my head quite often, and i know it to be true. God has given me what I have always dreamed about. God has given me a future, not only in this life but in the life to come. He has given me more than I ever asked Him for, and I have no plans on giving up, now.

Sometimes, the way gets a little dark, but that's when I remember He's there. So, I just grab Him by the hand and ask Him to lead me on. Sometimes, I get aggravated at things I can't change. But, that's when I step back, ask Him which way to go to get around the obstacle, grab His hand again and trust Him to lead me on.

I can hear y'all now. "So," you ask, "what about when the path is smooth?"

Are you kidding me? Smooth? Uh, I don't know about y'all, but usually whenever the path ahead is real smooth, I fall flat on my rear. Smooth? Nah, I think I'll stick with a bit of a bumpier way. Less chance of falling, that way.

I have no idea what y'all will get out of this post. It's too early for me to put together a coherent thought, much less try to make sense. But, there you have it. Happy Thursday!

A Saturday Morning Post

Well, as y’all can tell, I didn’t get my usual entry posted on here yesterday. I sure hope this is not going to become a habit, but I had another memorial service to go to on Friday. I sang at this one. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I hadn’t sang that particular song since my grandmother’s funeral, but I was asked to sing it yesterday. I practiced before I left the house, thinking that it would probably get to me, singing that song and hearing everybody cry. But, it didn’t. Does time heal all wounds? Maybe, if it doesn’t heal, it at least puts a scab over the booboo. :)

We were gone from around 11:30 a.m. until around 6 p.m. There was the memorial service itself, then the dinner at the church, and then we stopped at my aunt’s house, so my husband could look at something on her computer for her. My aunt and I chatted, while my girls took turns playing with my aunt’s foot massaging pillow. lol My 6-year-old would put it on her feet and say, “Ahh! That feels so good on my aching feet!” lol

Dinner last night consisted of sandwiches for my husband and I and Raman Noodles for the girls. I ended the long day with a cup of decaf coffee and a powdered sugar doughnut. :) All four of us were in bed by 9, and I got a whopping 6 hours of sleep before waking up at 3 a.m. I got up around 4ish, fixed a cup of caffeinated coffee, ate the last doughnut and spent some time in the 1860’s, writing on my story, “A Place called Home”.

There is nothing so wonderful as the mundane. Friday evenings at home with the family, eating poor man food and wearing fuzzy socks to keep your feet warm. And, strange as it may sound, there is something comforting in the sameness of things.

I got to thinking...and please stick with me here...that for me, there is a level of comfort in the fact that most of the funerals and memorial services I’ve been to were at the same funeral home. I’m weird, I guess, but I like to think of my loved ones who have died, resting in the hills around me. When I moved away, even though I liked it up there in Romney and would move back in a heartbeat, I never felt quite as home as I did, here in the Kanawha valley. I’ve always lived close to the railroad tracks, so the sounds of trains in the middle of the night are familiar to me. I’ve always lived near the river, so to live away from it, kind of feels strange. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, here, but these are just some thoughts that have been running around in my head.

I remember hearing a minister say once, that he liked the thought of being buried next to his wife, while they wait for the resurrection of the dead. His words startled me, at first, but then I considered them. The man’s wife had died recently, and I’m sure he missed her a lot. The thought of lying next to her and being close when the Lord comes back, filled him with peace. And, maybe, it’s the same with me.

Many family members have died. A lot of the men and women who were pillars in the church when I was a child are dead and gone. They are buried in the hills around this valley wherein I live. Someday, if the Lord hasn’t returned, yet, I’ll die. If I am put in a casket and buried, I want it to be near those loved ones. If I’m cremated, scatter my ashes over those graves, cause when the trumpet sounds and the dead in Christ rise first, I’m going to rise with those who taught me how to live for Him. Ain’t no grave gonna hold these bodies down, and when we rise to meet Him in the air, I want to rise with those who used to shout the glory down. There ain’t nobody I’d rather meet Jesus with than my grandfather’s brother, Charles who used to preach for all he was worth. There’s nobody I’d rather sing redemption with, than my grandmother who used to stand beside me in church and belt it out.

“Dust shall sing on resurrection morning. The saints will rise and let their voices ring. Those that remain will be changed in a moment. We’ll hear the shout, the trumpet sound, and dust shall sing!” Amen!

AT SEVENTEEN by Pam Hamrick

I’m really not sure how to start this. Some things just happen without any reason, I guess and memories come flooding back.

Recently, I saw a post on face book from a teenage girl who said her life wasn’t worth anything, and she just wished she could die. When I was a teenager, I took a handful of pills. To this day I don’t know what they were. For some reason, Mom figured out what I did, and off to the ER we went. They gave me a little cup of caffeine and cups of lukewarm water to drink so I would vomit them back up. That may be why I don’t like the taste of coffee, to this day. I guess God wasn’t ready for me to leave this world, then, cause I’m still here.

Anyway, I remember my brothers coming to the hospital, and everyone was putting pressure on me to tell them why I did this. I finally told them it was because of a boy, just to get them off my back, but that wasn’t the truth. The truth is it was because I thought that my Mom loved my sisters more than she did me. You see, I am the oldest of three girls. I am adopted. My birth mom and my mom are sisters. I have six half brothers and one half sister from my birth mom. Maybe, this is something that all adopted kids go through, but I remember feeling unloved, unwanted and like nobody cared about me. In my heart, I knew this was not true, but I just could not get this out of my head. I lay there in the darkened bedroom and cried and thought I would just end it all. That way, I would be out of everyone’s way. I just figured they wouldn’t care or miss me, anyway.

Years later, I told Mom how I felt, sometimes. She took me in her arms and asked how I could think that? She said I was her special baby, because she got to choose whether to take me or not. She said she never once regretted bringing me home from the hospital, when I was born.

After Mom passed away and we were going thru her things, my sister and I found a journal-like book. In it Mom had written about the day she brought me home, as a newborn. She wrote how happy she was and how she felt that now, she had someone who would love her unconditionally. Oh, how I wish she would’ve told me that face to face.

So, to all the teenagers out there who think you are unloved and unwanted, just remember that you are not the only one who has ever felt this way. Just keep taking life one day at a time and hang in there; your life is worth something. After all, Jesus died for you, just the same as He did for me! And, I am very glad that my life did not end at seventeen.

*****

If you would like your story posted on here, drop me a comment or send an email to
oldtimechristian@gmail.com

Thanks for reading, and be sure to come back on Wednesday.

A Writing Wednesday: Memories

They say to write what you know. Write what you feel. So, here are some thoughts from yesterday.

I stepped outside to walk to the Post Office this afternoon, and like a fog, the scents of damp earth and wood smoke surrounded me. Added to the sixty-four degree temperature, it made me think of spring, not the last day of January. It also made me remember springtime at my grandparents’ house.

Memories are funny things. Sometimes, they bring feelings of sadness, especially when you’re remembering a loved-one who has passed away. Other times, memories bring joy. Just like people, memories are different. Yesterday’s memory makes me a little sad and a little happy, too.

Springtime at Mamaw’s. Faint wood smoke lingering in the air from the chilly morning a few hours before, damp earth just waiting for something to be planted in it, the smells of homemade beef stew or Pinto beans cooking on the gas range in the kitchen, the sound of split logs hitting the walls of the wood house as my papaw prepared for the next winter, I remember like it was yesterday.

Knowing I was home, I’d hurry from the car and up the front steps. I’d grab the handle of the screen door and walk right in, knowing I was welcome. The screen door would bang shut behind me, as I made my way toward the kitchen where homey smells of cooking food and Mamaw waited. I’d open the microwave, and sure enough, left over biscuits or cornbread would be arranged on a plate inside. Once, when there was only one biscuit left, my cousin and I fought over it, eventually tearing it in half so we both could get some.

Pulling out a chair, I would sit at the table and sigh. Usually, no one was interested in hearing about a twelve-year-old’s daily account of what her friends and latest crush had or had not said at school, but not Mamaw. She’d listen and give her advice, all the while making me feel like I was the most specialist girl in the whole wide world. And to her, I was, along with my sisters and my cousins. You’d have thought we kids hung the moon or turned in to God’s perfect angels over night. I miss being loved like that.

Sometimes, Mamaw and I would sing together. She was the one who taught me to hear the alto part in a song, and to this day, I can still hear her singing alto when I sing “Amazing Grace”.

Every time I catch a whiff of wood smoke, fresh snow or damp earth, I think about being at my grandparents’ house. I’m there, hearing dogs bark close by, remembering how the sun goes down behind the mountain around six P.M. in the summertime. More than anything, I want to go back home. I want my kids to play in the yard I played in. I want them to peel boiled eggs, just like we did one Easter, and leave their colored egg shells in the yard for me to find, just like Mamaw found our mess. I want to sit on the porch in the morning with a cup of coffee and listen to the song of birds and the occasional whoosh of a passing car. But, time is elusive, and I can never go home again.

These memories are unique to me. No one else can have the exact same memory as I have. But, like an album of pictures, I can pull the memories out and cherish them time and time again. Probably the best thing about my memories is I can share them. Sharing them keeps them alive, and in my memories, Mamaw lives.