Monday, March 21, 2011

What's On Your Mind?

If you are on FaceBook, then you know about the box where you put your status and the question it asks. "What's on your mind?" My screen reader, which is called VoiceOver on the Mac, actually sounds as if he is asking a question, when he reads this box. His voice goes up near the end, prompting an answer. However, what I want to know is, does everyone on FaceBook really want to know what is truly on my mind, or does everyone hop on there, hoping to see something funny?

It's the same way, when folks ask how you are. You see someone while you are out and about, and you both say hi, and then, one of you ask, "How you doing?" Do we really want to know, or are we just being nice? Usually, I think the latter is true.

I have a friend who, when you ask him how he is, he answers the same thing all the time. He says, "Wonderfully blessed." Admittedly, this is something we are not used to hearing, which is sad.

Once, my husband and I passed a man, and Terry asked, "How are you?"

"Just terrible, buddy," the man said, "just terrible."

At the time, I'm sorry to say, I laughed, and I still smile, when i think of that man, mostly because he answered in such a dry tone, almost as if he was saying the opposite. But, here again, we do not usually expect folks to say they are bad off, or just terrible, which leads me to believe we only ask how someone is doing or ask what's on their mind, just as a courtesy.

Wonder why that is?

Have we gotten so wrapped up in our own lives, our own misery, our own joys, needs and feelings that we can't even begin to consider another's feelings? Are we just too busy to stop and show concern for another? If this is so, then why be courteous at all? Why not just end our greetings with a simple, "Hi there."? If you don't want to know how someone is doing, don't ask them. If you don't care what's on someone's mind, then don't ask.

Sometimes, on FaceBook, I don't post anything, because I don't have anything to say. Yes, there is always something on my mind, but no, I don't always want to share it. Sometimes, I am thinking about books, the ones I'm reading and the ones I'm working on. Sometimes, I'm thinking of things I need to do, or folks I'd like to talk to. Sometimes, I am just trying to practice good manners, and say nothing, 'cause I don't have anything nice to say. lol

So, I said all that, to say this; a lot has been on my mind lately. last Thursday was not only St. Patrick's Day, which I celebrated by eating a green doughnut, but it was also the anniversary of my baptism back in 1991.

The day was clear, the sky blue, the sun warm, the water in the water whole, cold as ever, and I'll never forget it. One of the ministers who baptized me is dead, now, and I still miss him, even though he's been gone since 2004. After the service, my mom and my sisters and I went to my grandparents' house and had dinner. We kids, my sisters and cousins and I played outside in the yard all afternoon. I was 12 years old, and to me, life just couldn't get any better than it was that day.

This passed Friday, March 18, was my wedding anniversary. terry and I were married 11 years ago at Mammoth Advent Christian Church in Mammoth WV. Pastor Roy Boyd did the ceremony, my cousin Tina sang a song and played the piano for the service, and I said vows that took almost 11 years to understand. :) See my entry, "Wil Thou Love Him, Serve Him, Honor and Obey Him" for more details. A cousin of mine had made the cake, my grandmother had made the punch, and everyone, it seemed, was there to share the day.

Yesterday, March 20, makes one month since Mamaw died, and I can't believe that time has gone so fast. Some members of my family can't speak of her, to this day. Some write nice things on FaceBook about and to her. Me, I don't know how to express my feelings. I can't seem to talk about her, I can't bring myself to write anything on FaceBook, I can't cry anymore either. So, since I can't do any of those things, let me tell you what I would like to do.

I want more than anything to go sit on her front porch and listen to the singing of birds and the occasional passing of a vehicle on the road. I want to take a deep breath and smell the chopped wood awaiting the winter in the wood house out back. I want to hear the laughter of children at play in the front yard. I want to go outside in the winter and breathe in the scents of wood smoke and fresh snow. I want to enjoy the shade at 6PM in the summer, when the sun goes down over the mountains too early. I want do wash dishes at her sink and listen to the pitterpat of rain on the pump house roof outside the open kitchen window. I guess what I really want is to go home.

I have this weird urge to change something major in my life, but I have no clue what that would be. Had thought of getting my hair cut, but the baby loves to play with it so much, I can't bare to do that to her. I have no desire to feel pain of any kind, so there goes a piercing or tatu. lol I can't see worth a plug nickel, so better not get behind the wheel and punch the gas. Wouldn't do any good to die my hair, cause what's the point when I can't see it, anyway? Good grief, y'all, I'm running out of crazy things to do, here!

Now, don't y'all go thinking I'm feeling sorry for myself, or anything. I'm not. I wouldn't die my hair, get a tatu or piercing, even if I could see. Jump in the car and punch the gas, though? Well... :)

So, there you have it, folks, what was on my mind, when I sat down to write. Be sure to come back Wednesday for another entry. Have no clue what I'll write about, but maybe that's best. Keeps ya least I hope it does. Until Wednesday, keep praying, keep on keepin' on, and go check out my new book on amazon.

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